Love’s Labours Lost
Restaurants breed like rabbits along Ossington, the city’s newest and unlikeliest restaurant row. Why it seems like only yesterday that Ossington, below College, was a hub of Vietnamese crime. Reporting on a shootout in a pho house I recall a plain clothesman giving me a crime tour of Oz, stopping only for a Vietnamese coffee in a caffe where the cop pointed out which of the customers were carrying a piece. Even now you may well stumble over yellow police tape as you as you make your way to such hip joints as Café Libretto, Foxley, Delux, Union. Just cross your fingers and hum luck be a lady tonight.
The entrepreneurs behind the LeVack Block resto lounge, Adam Baguely and designer Amber Honor Elson have now opened Paramour right next door. Paramour is a typical neighbourhood place, a thirty seater shoebox decorated with thrift shop gentility, add a friendly bar and avid service under the command of former Splendido staffer Adly Gawad. The menu is short and to the point. Ditto wine list. We weren’t knocked out by the originality of the fare, my eyes glaze over at sight of one more goat cheese and beet salad – a dish which should be retired from all menus on the grounds of extreme triteness. Once sweet beets knew their place – pickled in a jar – but now they’re winter stars enabling our insatiable sweet teeth which isn’t good news to my companion who is now revealed as an endangered eater. She has allergies/food intolerances. Anything too sweet causes hives. She usually packs a refractomater to test the veg. A refractometer measures the brix in veg. Brix equals sugar equals flavour. Like great Sauternes, the sweeter the beet the more intensely flavoured.
Now a delicate Hokkaido scallop sliced thricely and placed around a little mound of julienned roots including mustardy celeriac does very nicely as the Crudo starter ($13). Roasted corn and Jalapeno hush puppies $10 dipped in chipotle mayonnaise are puffy refreshers. Particularly good garnish, a skinned deseeded jalapeno which tastes like the freshest green bean.
The second courses are more problematic. Isn’t $30 a hefty price tag for a lamb shank? The plate poises the shank, which has some way to go to achieve the desired velvetiness, on parmesan polenta and sautéed swiss chard and crispy sage leaves. OMG, my companion cries, I’m allergic to sage! Nausea follows the first bite. The waiter assures her that the offending sage can be removed. No harm done. Word from the kitchen, Laura Malina, formerly of JK Gardiner, is reassuring. The sage hasn’t been used in preparation. Any other allergies I ask. Tarragon. Severe respiratory problems after Bearnaise sauce. Lettuce! The most innocent organic lettuce leaf has the potential of a weapon of mass destruction. Who knew that veg are the greatest danger on edgy Oz tonight.
I turn with relief to my New York Strip Loin au Jus $27. Beef’s always been a friend. But what a plate! Now steak is sacred food. Steak demands protocol. It is the star of a meal and should be so treated. A pat of butter on the top, perhaps a watercress leaf or two, maybe a small grilled tomato gratin. You cut the meat yourself to the size you want. You want sides? Order em separately. But here the steak is just a lump of meat, not rare enough, and incompetently hacked into chunks. It is almost overwhelmed by Ermite (blue) cheese bread pudding, a mass of sautéed rapini under which is hidden a yellowish potato. It looks like a dog’s dinner. Even so I bet a gourmet dog would turn it down. I bet the Queen’s corgis would take a look and kick it back. “Elizabeth, we’ve told you before, we’re IAMS dogs.”
We end with a couple of just ok desserts: a super rich chocolate terrine and an apple and cardomom pastry. We barely finish them when the bill and our coats appear tableside. Timing is obviously a problem at weekends in a small restaurant. We were told to come early or late. Unwisely we picked early. Although the restaurant was cheerlessly empty until 7.30 we were given a busy table right by the kitchen door. I hate to think it was because we were two women dining. After the restaurant started filling up, we were hurried out at 8. Bad manners.
* Paramour 94 Ossington 416- 953 2356 No Wheelchair access. Dinner: food and tax for two: $111
Has New York anything to teach Toronto? See previous post
